The Referral Advisor

I attended a business networking lunch today.  I was sitting at a table with six other professionals when a lady came over and said ‘hi’.

She introduced herself to the group and started passing out business cards as if she was the dealer in a card game.    “Come on everybody…where’s your cards?” she said.

Fortunately, the gentleman next to me gave her some helpful advice.  He told her that this networking group doesn’t work that way.  He politely suggested that she would be more successful if she waited for a person to ask her for her business card instead of passing it out.

Unfortunately, she didn’t seem to get it and responded as if it was an objection to a sales call.

Remember - Networking is about developing relationships and not mass marketing or selling.

I learned a valuable lesson recently about building rapport online.

I wanted to know if IT professionals would be interested in learning how to develop a professional network.  So, I joined an IT specific group on LinkedIn and posted the following question:

As a technology professional, would you have interest in learning how to develop your professional network?

You hear that a lot of people find jobs through networking (contacting people they know, meeting new people, etc.), but I wonder how many people are proactively building that network. In other words, don’t wait to loose your job before you grow your network of professional contacts.

I’ve been in technology for 19 years now and didn’t really understand the power of professional networking until about 2 years ago.

I’ve been teaching sales professionals how to network (online & offline), but wondered if there was interest with career professionals. Since my background has been in technology, I thought I would ask a group of my peers.

Any feedback would be greatly appreciated.

Well, the response I received was not what I expected.  Several of the responses excused me of trying to sell a product or service.   I made some attempts at trying to defend myself within the group, but it didn’t have much affect.

Rather, I sent responses to some of the individuals and answered their questions directly.   I identified myself as someone who has been in technology for a number of years (and gave some specific examples to illustrate this) and the mood seemed to change to a more positive one.

Here’s what I learned from this:

1. I was impatient.  Instead of reading through some of the posts to better understand the group, I just posted my question.
2. I should have clearly established rapport by talking about my IT background.  I could have been more specific about my years as a software developer and project manager.  I could have talked about technology issues with the group or had one-on-one conversations.

Imagine that you’re at your favorite coffee shop having a great conversation with a fellow business associate.  You’ve been wanting to meet this person for awhile.  You believe that you can help each other grow your business.

The conversation is going great when all of a sudden their phone rings.  Without hesitation, they answer the phone and have a 3 minute conversation.  They hang up and apologize for the interruption.

Your conversation picks back up for a few minutes, then their phone rings again.  They answer their phone, talk, apologize and try to re-engage the conversation.

What message does this send to the other person?

I understand that there are times (very few in my opinion) when a person is expecting an urgent & important call.   However, I believe we’ve just become slaves to our cell phones and respond without thinking.

The problem is that you are telling the other person that the call is more important than they are.

My advice is to turn off the phone prior to meeting someone for a one-to-one.  You can also help educate the other person by waiting until you greet each other and say something like “I’m going to turn this thing off so I won’t get interrupted because I want to concentrate on our conversation”.  Most likely, they will do the same.

If you really are expecting an urgent & important call during your meeting, let them know up front.  They’ll appreciate the ‘heads up’.

By following this advice, you’ll let the other person know that you really value them.

At a recent networking event, I met a financial planner who was really difficult to listen to.

Not because of his voice or accent, but because he started using all of these financial terms. My eyes began to glaze over quickly and it was difficult for me to focus.

I have found that some financial planners and IT professionals are guilty of ‘nerding out’ on you. They talk to you as if you were someone from their office or industry.

This is a surefire way to loose the interest of the person you’re talking to.

If you’re guilty of this, I recommend practicing some dialogue with family or friends. Be sure to pay attention to their body language (are they spacing out, are they loosing eye contact) and ask for feedback. Keep your message simple so that anyone can understand what it is you do.

A friend of mine called me recently to tell me about his new business.   He asked if I had any contacts in this industry.  We brainstormed for a few minutes about some referral partnerships and I gave him some ideas about where to make some connections.

Unfortunately, my friend missed an opportunity with me.

He forgot to ask what he can do for me.

So many people miss this point.  I understand that everyone is thinking about themselves and how others can help them.  Most people don’t naturally think of others.  Rather, it’s a habit that must be developed.

If this happens to you, just simply take the opportunity to let them know how they can help you.  An easy transition would be something like this.

“Sure, I would be glad to introduce you to Tom.  By the way,  do you know of a real estate agent with…”

I want to encourage you to develop the habit of always asking what you can do for the other person.  Every phone call, e-mail or face-to-face interaction you have should include the question ‘what can I do for you today?’.